Two tidbits from The Rotarian, January 1921, posted by Dr. Wolfgang Ziegler

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His Wages

An artist was employed to renovate and retouch some oil paintings in an old church in Belgium, and on presenting his composite bill for $67.28, was informed that an itemized statement was required. So the following was duly presented:

For correcting the Ten Commandments …………...........................……….. $  5.12

For renewing Heaven and adjusting the stars …...........................…………. $  7.12

For touching up Purgatory and restoring the lost souls …........................... $  3.06

For brightening up the flames of Hell, putting a new tail
on the Devil, and doing odd jobs for the damne…….…............................... $  7.17

For putting a new stone in David's sling and arranging Goliath's head …...... $  6.13

For mending the shirt of the Prodigal Son and cleaning his ear ……….……. $  3.39

For putting a new ribbon on Pilate's bonnet ……..............................……… $  3.02
.
For putting a new tail and comb on St. Peter's rooster …........................... $  2.20

For re-gilding the left wing of the Guardian An………….........................….. $  5.18

For putting carmine on the left cheek of the servant of the High Priest …….. $  5.02

For taking the spots off the son of Tobias ……………..........................…… $10.30

For putting earrings in Sarah's ears ………………..........................……….. $  5.26

For mending the roof of Noah's ark and putting a new head on Shem ……… $  4.31

Total ………………………………………………….......................…………. $ 67.28

Please remit.

Guilty

A PREACHER conducting a mission announced that he would speak the next night on "Liars." The audience were requested to read up in advance, the seventeenth chapter of St. Mark.

Next evening, before opening, with piercing glance, he inquired how many people had read the chapter suggested.

A score or so held up their hands. At which he thundered: "You're the very persons I want to talk to ‑ there isn't any seventeenth chapter of St. Mark."